This question lies at the heart of many new moms’ and dads’ deepest fears and doubts. It reflects vulnerability around identity, self-worth, and the pressure to get parenting “right.” As a trauma-informed therapist, I help parents explore these feelings without judgment, uncover the roots of their self-criticism, and build compassion for themselves. Understanding that healing old wounds makes space for confident, loving parenting is often the first step toward answering this question with a resounding yes.

It’s completely normal to question your feelings toward your newborn, and not feeling instantly attached doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby or that you aren’t a good parent. Many new parents carry fears and doubts beneath the surface—about their worth, their identity as a parent, and the pressure to “get it right.” These feelings often stem from deeper, sometimes hidden, experiences of trauma or unmet needs from your own past.

As a trauma-informed therapist, I encourage parents to approach these feelings with kindness rather than judgment. Sometimes, when old wounds haven’t had the chance to heal, they create blocks to connection and attachment. Healing those wounds can open up the space for genuine, confident love and presence with your child.

You are enough, even as you navigate fears and uncertainties. Being a good parent isn’t about perfection or instant feelings; it’s about showing up, seeking support, and allowing yourself the grace to grow into your role. Over time, with compassion and understanding, that bond you’re worried about will have the chance to flourish.

It’s important to recognize that not wanting to have sex with your partner right now is a valid and common experience, especially in the context of new parenthood. Your body and mind are both navigating massive changes—physically recovering from childbirth, adjusting to new routines, and managing the emotional complexities that come with caring for a newborn. These demands can significantly affect your desire and energy for intimacy.

Sometimes, underlying feelings—such as stress, exhaustion, anxiety, or unresolved trauma—can also impact your sexual desire. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or your relationship. Rather, it’s a signal to listen to your needs and emotions without judgment.

As a trauma-informed therapist, I encourage you to approach these feelings with compassion. Healing past wounds and addressing current stressors can gradually help restore your connection to both yourself and your partner. Remember, intimacy isn’t solely physical—it’s also built on emotional safety, trust, and being understood.

You don’t need to rush or force anything. Prioritizing self-care, open communication with your partner, and seeking support if needed are powerful steps toward finding balance. Your feelings are valid, and taking the time to care for yourself can create a stronger foundation for intimacy when you’re ready.