Why Having ADHD As A Mother Matters: Understanding the Overlap
I was mindlessly scrolling Instagram, as you do, and came across a podcast clip of Hasan Minhaj interviewing Gabor Maté. Hasan Minhaj is known for his comedy — performing on The Daily Show, his Netflix specials, and his own TV show Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj. Gabor Maté is an expert physician in the areas of addiction, childhood development, and trauma. He’s written several books, including Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder. In the clip, Minhaj admits he’s often late, loses things, and feels disorganized. Maté points out that he exhibits symptoms of ADD — now known as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). It made me laugh about an otherwise tough topic.
Guess who else can have ADHD? Mothers!
What Is ADHD?
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder with symptoms including inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.
When a millennial like myself says “ADD” or “ADHD,” the mental image that often comes up is the class clown — the boy who was hyper and could not focus in elementary school.
But thanks to continued research, improved assessments, and greater awareness of gender bias, we now know that boys and girls are diagnosed with ADHD at increasingly similar rates. These shifts mean that today’s mothers of young children with ADHD may have been missed in childhood or are only now receiving diagnoses as adults.
Common Experiences of Mothers with ADHD
Being a mother is hard—even when you’re doing everything right.
One of the key features of ADHD is how it affects executive functioning, the part of the brain responsible for time management, organization, attention, and impulse control. And any mother will tell you, motherhood requires a lot of executive functioning — from meal planning to managing the family calendar and keeping the house in some kind of order.
Consistency, routines, and structure can be especially challenging.
Many mothers with ADHD are high performers, with successful academic, athletic, or professional histories. One way women often manage it all is through anxiety — pushing themselves to achieve out of fear of failure. But years of coping this way can lead to burnout, which may feel like:
A lack of interest in your children, spouse, or work
Decreased motivation
Irritability
This is incredibly frustrating and can leave mothers feeling like they need to “fix” themselves. But that’s a myth. Mothers don’t need to change who they are to feel better or function better.
Co-Occurring Challenges
Mothers with ADHD often experience co-occurring mental health conditions such as:
Depression
Anxiety
Disordered eating
Self-harm
Substance use
Feeling overwhelmed by sounds, touch, or messes
Boredom
All of this can make motherhood uniquely challenging. In addition to keeping tiny humans alive and healthy, mothers with ADHD are often managing something else too.
My Experience with ADHD
Recently, my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. She’s an amazing student — a role model to her peers, with perfect behavior and beloved by her teachers as the sweetest.
But at home? We were always late. Despite extensive planning, visual cues and alarms, things constantly went off track. She struggled to follow multi-step instructions, and the after-school meltdowns were intense.
Can you hear the frustration in my writing? It has been tough. Honestly, when we got the diagnosis, it was a relief. It explained so many of our challenges and gave us clear steps to support her.
Someday, she may be a mother — and I want her to move through that stage with confidence. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, her brain works in its own unique way. But there are tools and strategies to help her build the motherhood experience she hopes for.
For “Someday” Moms with ADHD
Having ADHD often means feeling disorganized and overwhelmed, and it’s frequently paired with anxiety or depression. Women might think they aren’t equipped to have children if they have ADHD.
I’m here to tell you: the decision whether to have children is deeply personal — and moms with ADHD are great moms too.
For women using ADHD medication, pregnancy presents unique challenges. The decision to continue, reduce, or pause medication should be made between the woman and her prescribing physician. A provider can also point to evidence-based resources like Mother To Baby which offers information about the benefits and risks of medication use during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Moms can always do their own research and be an active participant in their care.
In Summary
If you are a mother with ADHD, you might:
Struggle with time management, impulsivity and attention
Experience co-occurring conditions like depression or anxiety
Feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood, or
Be bored with the baby’s daily routine.
All of this is normal.
Remember: a diagnosis can bring relief, clarity, and concrete steps for support.
And here’s something important — having ADHD isn’t a bad thing.
You’re in good company! Famous mothers with ADHD include Nelly Furtado and Mel Robbins. Simone Biles, Emma Watson, and Greta Gerwig aren’t moms (yet), but they also have ADHD. Sometimes, it can even be your superpower.
For the Clinicians
As therapists, it’s essential to talk about ADHD with our clients. If you notice signs and your client does not have a diagnosis, consider referring them to a trusted psychologist for testing.
If your clients already have a diagnosis, therapy can help shift their relationship with ADHD — from shame to acceptance, even pride. This will help address co-occurring conditions such as depression, anxiety, self-harm and coping through substance use.
Much of the information in this article was drawn from “Essential Tools & Skills for Women with ADHD” by Michelle Dougher Frank Psy.D., available through PESI.com. This well-researched training offers 4 Continuing Education Units for social workers, LPCs, and LMFTs who complete the course, exam, and evaluation.
